Ok time for more mardi gras tales. but im not going to go with the whole Day 1, Day 2 shit, because when you drink for 4 days strait starting with hard liquer at 9am its hard to keep days seperated. So im going to tell little fragmented memories in little fragmented blurbs as is the only way to do such story telling i beleive.

At one point there was this older woman who was sorta sexy (not hot even for an older woman but not bad looking either) and she was flashing and i didnt get to see so i slid on over and waved my hands majesticly about my beads and asked if i could tempt her in anyway. she selected one then flashed me and i smiled and put the beads arouind her neck, then her husband a silver haired old gent pushes my face down so my mouth is on her nipple, SO whats a young man to do but suck it into my mouth and play with it a little.

During the day at one point a girl (who was with another girl and a guy) marched up to me and was like "i must have these dolphins" and so i smiled like the devil and responded "well you know how the system works" and she says "i dont flash but ill kiss you for them" me being a flexible guy and not a stickler for the rules responded with a "sure" and she proceeds to lay one on me. a while later when i come up for air, i look over at my friend josiah who is putting some beads around the male friends neck. so me thinking im quite cleaver say "well you know ground rules that have been set are right? you got to kiss him" so this guy smiles and leans over and kiss jo on the cheek while he grabs his ass. so i start laughing and jo walks aways away looking more than a little disconcerted. SO i come to find out later that the guy had asked josiah for a specific kind of bead and jo had said no and then the guy had replied "you dont know what i can do for those beads" and jo had replied "thats not nessisiary but you can have these" and then given him the really cheap throw beads i had seen him putting on his neck. would i have still done it if i HAD known the guy was gay? hell yes.

I remember at somepoint a woman well into her 40's and myself necking on the elevator while she said "really im a doctor somewhere, i shouldnt be doing this with you"

Also on the elevator me sliding my hand down a womans pocket saying "come on show me those tits, they look great" and her responding "my husband would kick your ass if he knew this was happening" while i felt her up, then when we get off the elevator she introduces "the nice young man from missouri" she just met and her husband asking if he could by me a drink, and of course i accepted. i had felt the mans wife up, i think accepting a drink is the least i can do.

theres much more but i will end with this WE CROSSED THE LINE THAT MUST NOT BE CROSSED. someone was just like "lets go down there and see what its like" and i had responded with "sure, theres 3 of us and its high noon, what could happen?".....as soon as we stepped across there was an old looking man standing on a balcony that yells in a deep gravelly voice "SHOW US YER COCKS". so we ignored him and proceeded down the street a block and a half. thats when we see this conglomeration of leather clad men (scantilly dressed i will add) milling around. one guy had on nothing but a leather Gstring with spikes comming off the ball sack area. So we are like "ok seen enough" then we turn around. well on one of the more barren stretches we see this guy displaying his cock to a guy with a video camera, and bass points them out and is like "look at those fags" and josiah responds with "no i think hes strait i saw him walking  with a girl earlier" so then they talk a moment and the guy totally drops trousers turns around and bends over while spreading his butt cheeks. i say "i think your wrong jo" and then the guy with the camera kneels down and leans in close, the most disturbing thing to me about the whole scene was the look of total rapture on the guys face. i mean he was a happy mother fucker.

i dont think i have ever been that enthralled.

Mardi Gras.......its the celebration of excess befor lent when you have to give up stuff. I tried to find a better definition online but it was not to be had.

First off i will give a short blurb on my traveling companions.

Josiah Roberts aka Jo. Ive known this guy for like 10 years, one of my oldest and most trusted friends, sometimes very stubborn and usually rather reserved. has a more than healthy dislike for everyone around him. hes a plotter and a schemer usually. if someone pisses him off he doesnt do anything about it right then, he internalizes the anger lets it build up then either strikes out at a random stranger to sublimate his anger OR plots some long and heinous scheme that cant be traced back to him and then sets it into play. hes a smart guy but he also CAN NOT admit when hes wrong.

Aaron Bass, this was the friend of Jo's that i didnt know. I was really hesitant about a stranger comming along on our adventure. Im not particularly prone to likeing strangers. i CAN get along with anyone but its usually that i dont WANT to. my very first impression of Bass was the though "he doesnt have any lines on his face WTF" his face has a kind of erie lack of lines, wrinkles, anything. and all in all i think he has a rather plain face. and then i looked at how he was dressed, and he was wearing a beat to shit cardinals hat and a carhart jacket, and i was like "hmmm". all in all, end of trip opinion of bass isnt bad at all though. hes a pretty cool, mellow, easy to get along with guy. likes semi decent music if of a rather limited variety (the army turned my somewhat broad taste in music down right eclectic) hes not big on thinking, and well he would pretty much sleep with ANYTHING. (more on this later)

OK so what happened on this trip.

DAY 1~~~>Well we took this LONG ass drive down there. I got to take the middle shift, i drove from the Arkansas side of memphis to well down into Mississippi. And you know I dont mind driving really but not for 300 or so miles. PLUS the guys were in a hurry and wanted to get there ASAP and I too was really pretty damn ready to start the adventure as well but speeding is not my thing really. Not because im worried I'll die, but because I might kill someone else, or get a ticket. and OMG we had to drive for a ways in missouri like 2 or so hours and we saw 11 cops in the first two hours of our trip while in MO. it was CRAZY. so then Bass takes over the last shift and i go to sleep in the back seat GO ME.

we arrived at aproximately 830, were finished checking into the hotel about 915 and ready to go get some real food. we wandered around and ate and i had a drink with dinner called a hurricane "garanteed to make you feel like you been hit by a typhoon" so after a rather lack luster dinner we went out and began wandering around Bourbon, Jo took me and Bass down to the intersection and showed us what i termed "the line that must not be crossed" and i sort of imagined in my head that it would be labeled on a map in the old days as something like "here there be monsters" only change monsters to sodomy. Its the intersection where beyond it is largly all homosexuals and homosexual clubs. we stood there and looked across "the line that must not be crossed" and i didnt see a single woman.  So we went back into the crowds. I cant remember a whole lot of memerable events from this night really except that i got seperated from my friends and fell in with 3 girls, who were 16, 17, and 18. and they were out collecting beads, in the time honored fashion of showing their tits. WTF where are their parents? i dont know either. So i eventually stumble back to my hotel room at like 230 in the morning. i was quite drunk. get into bed with jo (we only had 2 king sized beds and i knew jo better than bass) and pass out.

Day 2~~~>to be continued

So i was thinking on a walk back to my room after getting dropped off today. That i will miss the sucking in the Army. I really will MISS the terrible moments. The laying in the snow for hours, the walking in the rain for miles, the 25 mile road marches where everything hurts, trodding through the feilds that in the winter are frozen tundra's, and in the summer nipple deep swamps.

One time, we spent a week in the feild, a horrible week. cold, occasional sprinkles, and a serious shit storm of water comming our way that everyone was hopeing like hell we'd miss. i THINK it was Sept or Oct. In upstate NY that means when you get rained on its going to be VERY unpleasant.. So we are all ready to leave the feild and they tell us that we arent going anywhere cause some kid lost some NODs (Night Operation Device these goggles that are low light enhancers) and we are headed out to help look for them. EVERYONE is like "fuck that shit, this is bullshit, i dont know this kid, fuck him" but we (as a group) do what we're told, and we head out there. They give everyone an area and tell us to bed down for the night. Well the group next to us is SOOOOOOO loud, but we are being forced to maintain "noise and light discipline" which means no light, and as little sound as humanly possible. (this majorly sucks) so we go to bed. OF COURSE it starts to rain that night. we werent allowed to string up covor, so my whole platoon gets wet.

the next day they reveal the big plan to find the NODs, they have a map, and we are going to walk the WHOLE area ARM IN ARM. their plan is for every squar foot to be walked over, starting in the most likely areas moving to the less and less likely areas. a battallion of 400 guys or so out there walking arm in arm. an INGENIUS idea. People start trying to hang up shit, but they say "no hanging shit up this place looks like a gypsy camp" so we pack our shit away wet, and begin walking arm in arm. the whole day sucks, people are down trodden, miserable and tired from not sleeping cause they were getting rained on. SO we go back to the camp at the end of the day and bed down again. and to prove its NY it starts to snow that night, nothing sticks but its just above freezing so its mixed sleet/snow/and drizzle.

the next day they send us out again, now this is where i had the revealing thing happen to me. i had a BLAST. i couldnt stop laughing. everyone but one other guy was SO miserable. me and soloman laugh ALL FUCKING DAY. laughed like idiots. laughed like children on holiday. we sang Sublime together, we were just generally in the kinds of spirits it USUALLY takes cocaine for me to hit. But i was as sober as ive ever been. We had a BLAST. and this NCO named Dixon was all pissed off cause not only was he wet, tired and pissed, he was missing his childs birthday. so he is even MORE pissed off by me and soloman. so, he makes ME do pushups and ignores soloman (soloman was a huge dude he intimidated the shit out of Dixon) and the fact that he only yells at me and made me do pushups made me laugh harder. like he dropped me 15 times a day. i laughed my fucking ass off. it got to be hilairious for me, and it got so bad that while i was DOING pushups i was laughing my ass off. so yeah.

 on what most people consider one of their worst periods in their career, i had one of the best times ive ever had in the army. and its ALWAYS like that. i felt GREAT on the night when i was a cherry when i got frostbitten. my hands were SOOOO cold but i felt so tested, i guess is the best word. everyone else wanted to quit, but i kept my mouth shut and pushed onward. i ended up getting frostbite because i A didnt know how to protect myself and B i didnt know when to say "hey im hurting". but i didnt quit. i havent ever quit in the 5 years i have served. no matter how bad it hurt on a run, or road march or trial of any kind. and its been like that the whole time, the more unhappy everyone else is, the more SUCK SHIT thats piled on our plates, the happier i am. i dont understand it. but ive come to realize i beleive i need adversity.

SYSTEMS, the whole of the army is built on SYSTEMS. Me and my Trusty side-kick Jo-Jo the Duck, have been fighting the system for like a month now. and i tell you, the system is up on points at this time. BUT Wonderboy (yours truely) and Jo-Jo aint down for the count, NO WAY. because we're in it for the big prize, baby. Whats the prize you say? A Dodge Viper? A trip to Maui? An Orgey with 6 Big Breasted Bimbo's? (that makes 12 big titties!!) NO its none of those. its FAR FAR better. (yes even than the Big 12)

We fight for FREEDOM friends and neighbors. Freedom from the opressive machine that is the Armyverse®!! The army isnt the real world its a universe seperate unto its self, occupying the same space as the universe you all know and love and that I so desperately long to return to, BUT still wholely seperate. Different rules govern the Armyverse® than do the normal universe. Logic is cast down as ignorance and all men bow to THE RULES. The rules are wholey independent of logic or any of the normal tools a sensible man in the universe would use to interpret the world around them. They stand alone, whole unto themselves. No one knows from whence they came, they are largely immaterial shimmering almost mythic beings. We know only of them because of great tomes of lore that have been passed down from hand to hand in the army. these tomes of anchient lore and power are.........AR's. ALL LIFE must be lived by the mighty AR's and any deviation will be met with swift and ready.........scorn. and the occasional justice dispensed almost at whim by the UCMJ beast.

The UCMJ beast is the most terrible beast ever, or at least it has the potential to be. See because of the fact that the Armyverse® and the universe as you know it share the same time-space MANY individuals exist in both verses dualy. WELL usually what affects you in the Armyverse® doesnt affect your corporeal body in the Universe and vice versa. HOWEVER the UCMJ beast is able to attack people in the Armyverse® and destroy them in the universe as you know it as well. Also as an alternate punishment it OFTEN drags people away, where they arent seen in the universe for many, many years at a time. and when the are finally ejected from UCMJ's lair they are a broken bent version of themselves. their souls haveing been torn asunder, they are mere shambling lifeless versions of their former selves.

SO me and JJTD (Jo-Jo the Duck) have been fighting the system and trying to dance around the idle attentions of the UCMJ beasty. wish us luck, its a dangerous dance we do, but its the second highest prize i could think of obtaining. sex with an Angel being the top.